Post by mrcaldicott on Apr 22, 2014 9:23:59 GMT
The Jaguar essays feedback.doc (23.5 KB)
The Jaguar essays – feedback
Good things
Those who understood the poem, really understood it, and there were several strong essays from the first batch. Well done!
Technical accuracy and fluency of expression were, on the whole, excellent. Well done!
If the ‘powerful message’ was explored, then the question was answered! The depth to which you knew the poem and your notes was very effective in most cases.
Things to improve
Many of you identified the ‘powerful message’ that the question asks for (ie that freedom is a state of mind) – but then didn’t refer to this again until really near the end of the essay.
Particularly vague is how the issues of the parrots (shallow, irritating) and apes (lazy, self-obsessed) link to freedom being a state of mind – i.e. the powerful message! Are they trapped? How, exactly? Spend some time exploring this!
Many of you bring up the change in pace and rhythm of the poem relevantly, but virtually no-one uses even a couple of brief quotes to back up the contrast (which is the second part of the technique). Well done to those who did.
A lot of you linked the parrots to people types, but then eased off the comparison of animals to people – even the jaguar (to the depth required for a good essay). Remember – be confident! You’re arguing a case, and linking several things at once!
When quoting over two lines (to show enjambment, for example), use a forward slash e.g. ‘…tiger and lion / lie still as the sun.’ Otherwise it’s not clear you understood the importance of the line break.
The Jaguar essays – feedback
Good things
Those who understood the poem, really understood it, and there were several strong essays from the first batch. Well done!
Technical accuracy and fluency of expression were, on the whole, excellent. Well done!
If the ‘powerful message’ was explored, then the question was answered! The depth to which you knew the poem and your notes was very effective in most cases.
Things to improve
Many of you identified the ‘powerful message’ that the question asks for (ie that freedom is a state of mind) – but then didn’t refer to this again until really near the end of the essay.
Particularly vague is how the issues of the parrots (shallow, irritating) and apes (lazy, self-obsessed) link to freedom being a state of mind – i.e. the powerful message! Are they trapped? How, exactly? Spend some time exploring this!
Many of you bring up the change in pace and rhythm of the poem relevantly, but virtually no-one uses even a couple of brief quotes to back up the contrast (which is the second part of the technique). Well done to those who did.
A lot of you linked the parrots to people types, but then eased off the comparison of animals to people – even the jaguar (to the depth required for a good essay). Remember – be confident! You’re arguing a case, and linking several things at once!
When quoting over two lines (to show enjambment, for example), use a forward slash e.g. ‘…tiger and lion / lie still as the sun.’ Otherwise it’s not clear you understood the importance of the line break.