Peter Pan Diary Entry

[esmemcgill]

6th September 1858


Today has been a busy day. Wendy and the Lost Boys were kidnapped by Hook so, naturally I had to go rescue them. Obviously this resulted in another epic fight between Captain Hook and I but as always, I one. What I didn't realise, was that Tink had betrayed us and that's the reason Wendy and the boy's were taken in the first place! Honestly, can't trust anyone these days. I may have possibly given her a piece of my mind and told her never to come near me or the boy's again. Bit tearful Tink was, and when she returned home she found some chocolates, addressed to me. Tinkerbell being Tinkerbell decided to try one out of spite and therefore ended up with severe chocolate poisoning. Was not pretty, was on the brink of death so she was. Very severe karma in my opinion. Once again, I was forced to save the day by reassuring her I believed in faeries and what not.Everything is back to normal now though. Good thing too, don't think I could handle another disaster. All in all today has been one of the most exhausting days of my young life, seriously.

[mrcaldicott]

* Esme, what I liked about this was the arrogance and cynicism you put into the character - which isn't there in the original. Peter has a confident, brash demeanour at times, but this makes him the centre of his universe and always there to save the day. I liked the 'Bit tearful Tink was,' and 'brink of death so she was' colloquialism and the way you attempt a personal, sort of intimate tone.

> I'd like to see more development of Pan's emnity between him and Hook, and more exploration of what Wendy means to him. This is a bit too sketchy for us to see your true writing ability. You seem to have a high technical standard apart from writing 'one' instead of 'won' and using needless apostrophes.

Overall, promising, excellent tone, but much room for development.