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Post by nicolehyde on Jun 22, 2014 19:53:24 GMT
Dear Diary, I have so much to tell you and as you know I like talking to you because I don’t really speak to my brothers incase I say something stupid and they make fun of me, I know they're only joking but I'm shy and it scares me a bit. Anyway today has been a very busy day! You know how I told you about Snow White being tricked by the Evil Witch and eating the poison apple which made her fall into a deep sleep! Well my brothers and I weren't sure if she was going to wake up, we were so sad and just wanted her to be ok because we love her very much. But then suddenly the prince came along, he broke the spell with his magic kiss and saved the day!! We were all so happy but Snow White then had to leave with the prince, we were sad but she gave us all a kiss which I was very happy with! She has now gone to live happily ever after and I don't know how I feel, I am happy for snow white because she has her happy ending with the prince (who I really love as well) but I am sad as she has left us all, she was so good to all of us, she cooked and cleaned and helped us with everything. But its ok because snow white promised she would visit us everyday and sing to us which I am really looking forward to. I hope she is very happy with the prince but still remembers me! Oh no! I can hear Grumpy shouting on me, I better go! Heigh ho!
Dopey
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Post by mrcaldicott on Aug 20, 2014 18:59:22 GMT
* An innocent and naive - sounding entry; perfect for Dopey's brand of enthusiastic dimness. The run-on sentences (technical term: means sentences that should be broken up with full stops but instead include too many commas) actually work quite well; it's as if Dopey is breathlessly relating the tale himself. Simple emotions (happy / sad) probably are the best choice; good characterisation!
> Perhaps you could have played on Dopey's confusion a bit more and included some dramatic irony (where we know what's going on, but he doesn't). Just a thought! Also needs a question mark after 'deep sleep', not an exclamation mark. Pet peeve, sorry.
Overall, a breezy and positive journal effort.
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