Post by peterduncan on Jun 22, 2014 21:58:42 GMT
Well today’s just great. Fantastic. Absolutely fabulous. I mean I’m just in the oven, getting a nice tan, enjoying the heat; Loving life. And then out of nowhere, mum and dad forcefully bring me out of paradise. Alright, kind of annoying, but hey, they did the right thing. I could have burned, I would have stuck to the tray and one of two scenarios would play out: I’d not be able to move at all, stuck forever; or I’d try and get up, break, and die. So props to you mum and dad for not letting me burn to death. But could you believe that it could get worse? Of all the things they could do to me, they try and flipping eat me! What were they playing at? I’m not exactly a teatime biscuit (well maybe I am but that’s not the point). They made me, and then they go to eat me when there’s a full cupboard of food right next to them. #ParentOfTheYear. Honestly, if they thought for a second that I was going to stick around after that, they’re insane. So I just packed all my nonexistent belongings, and I snuck out the window. But guess what? They noticed, and they actually ran after me, shouting “Stop, stop!” Oh, now you care about me, or are you still hungry? Regardless, I wasn’t going back there, I needed to pick up the pace. I started running faster. They were still following me though. I needed to lose them, and fast. So I took a sharp turn through this country road, and all seemed well. I still kept running though; it’s great, keeps you fit and healthy and stops you from going all doughy (trust me, I’d know). So I was still running, thinking I’m all safe and that, but then out of nowhere this greedy pig comes running after me, squealing “Stop, I want to eat you!” Oh yeah, because that’s totally going to make me stop running, you twit. And guess who’s running behind him; mum and dad. So now I’ve got three people to shake off, and I can’t exactly stop for a bit, I mean they’re all trying to eat me. Not really a problem most people face, now is it? So I ran through some old farm, thinking it would buy me some time. I thought I’d be safe for now, but of course I was wrong. A cow comes towards me and says “I want to eat you”. Wow, way to keep it subtle. So now I’m literally running for my life, away from a fat old cow and a disgusting pig! Oh, and two farm animals. It didn’t dawn on me until now that animals are not supposed to talk. They are not meant to speak the same language as humans, but then again, neither are cookies. Anyways, I ended up getting lost, not that I’ve been alive long enough to know where anything is to start, and I found that my path is blocked by a river. Just great. I should probably stop writing now and try and find a way across. Besides, these pages would get wet, as if that’s my biggest concern right now. How am I even writing right now? I have no fingers, I can’t hold a pen! Well nothing really makes sense right now, does it?
